Did Jesus *Actually* Exit His Tomb?

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daftcunt's picture
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"I have no idea what that means." Sounds about right. No matter how ridiculous the story, if the holy book (well, at least the part that hasn't been classed as invalid by HUMANS of some sects but somehow still remains in there) says so it must be correct, right?

Assuming Maria and Jesus existed:

What is more likely: 
Maria giving birth as a "virgin" because "god" somehow impregnated her or that she was a bit frisky sometimes and Joe, (or someone else) didn't pull out quick enough?

Jesus being dead and resurrected or some of his cult members stole him and people saw one of them exiting the tomb?


 

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Dude's picture
front pageLe roi de Belgique

Here is the story of Iesa, that is his real name, i know because i was him in a previous life.

 

After the crucifixtion, he was half dead, they took him down, buried him under a pile of boulders the size of cantaloupes or slightly bigger, the 2 roman soldiers left and his friends came to the grave, and he heard them say, i can't believe he's dead, he stuck his left arm out trough the boulders, they dug him out and took him to a nearby shack in the desert, where an older woman lived, his 3 or 4 friends friends that remained layed him on the bed mended his wounds, one of em bought a horse, money was running dry, and when Iesa was healed after 4 day's he said we have to pay this woman something, argument broke out, and only one was left, they got on the horse and was presented as a king in the nearby town but ppl feared him for his scars they thought if i talk to him they beat me up like that, then Iesa said i can't do this anymore take the horse and the money, i will go to the woman in the shack an il see what i do, his friend said i will write about you, i will tell your story to everyone.

They parted ways, Iesa went to the shack where he lied down and had sex with the lonely woman, he came and died on the spot, the last thing seen as Iesa was the woman freaking out as she pushed his pecs a couple of times as if to wake him back up,......... so there could be a son.

 

and he was outside his body, ready to be born again.

 

And so i was Buddha, Iesa, Muhammed, Loki the spirit ghost after i CO created hell, which is not for eternity, just till you break down and see, Leonardo Davinci, Newton, Tesla, Bruce Lee, and many more in between, And now my name is Kjell which means shell or shield

 

In my prime

Kjell-16-years

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